Promises you can/’t keep

Ahh dear. So I was on twitter at 2am last night. Turns out that’s a bad idea. I made a promise to become an lper that ‘educates, who doesn’t just show the game’. That’s pretty big talk considering I know just about as much about video/computer games as a piece of toast. I’m reminded of Moist von Ludwig – make one promise and you’ll make another and before you know it it’s snowballed out of control. Hopefully I can pull through like he did. I can’t say I’m anywhere near as intelligent? Sly? Resourceful as he is. Well, I don’t have much experience using the resources offered to me.

One of my biggest dreams is to become a fanatic. I find it really hard to keep any kind of enthusiasm for a long period of time. I have a a feeling it’s because I go to hard to fast and wear myself out. I’m hoping that won’t happen with my youtube channel. I tend to find that I get bored with something quicker if I only have the one thing. My plan, there fore, is to have more than just video/pc games. But will that wear me out quicker?

I want to make a video later about my plans for the channel. I have a few followers on twitter who’ve been encouraging me to start and now I’ve said this so it’d be common courtesy. I think I want to list them here just in case I forget or don’t get around to making the video today.

– Book first impression and last impressions.

– Story ideas

– Game first and progressive impressions

– Drawings, paintings etc

-General vloging

The biggest thing I think I’m afraid of is that people would like what I have to offer. I feel a little better after writing this.

Edit: So. I still haven’t gotten round to doing this. Since I wrote this draft I’ve had a few more moments like this one.  I went on a crazy feminist raid about how certain women lpers not being ‘nerds’, which was a horrible time because I don’t know much about them and I’m not a nerd myself. It was fueled by another one of my twitter friends who doesn’t seem to have had as much exposure to quality female lpers or women in general. We organized to maybe have me on her stream but, well, then she got badly sick….which seems to be a theme as you’ll see. Then I missed a week of her streams because I had a crazy busy week but that’s for another post.

I also made a pact to do some pre-recorded lps with two of my followers. These didn’t happen because one of them was sick on the day and the other’s grandfather is in a pretty bad way. But that’s not the end of it. I went a little crazy that day. All the spam, all the stress was pretty inconsiderate for the other two. To make matters worse I kept pushing the one who’s grandfather is sick about how his grandfather was. Gosh! Such a moron.

I realized after I made I giant rant about how ‘they’re ignoring me’ that it was me doing the ignoring. Since I went so crazy spammy I felt that if I talked to them again the same beast would rise from tepid the waters of my psyche. I was frustrated and angry at myself to holding back and I was angry at them for not taking the first step in talking to me.

It also reafirm that I have abandonment issues. Someone I’m close doesn’t talk to me for a day and I think I’ve done something wrong.   It’s happened with a few people on twitter already but having them both not talk to me at the same time…I suppose it really opened my eyes to the fact I have a real problem.

I won’t be posting the original rant because it’s self centered and pointless. Luckily, the guys are still willing to record something. We’re hoping to do it today (touch wood).

Anyway, I have another one of these to write today so I’ll post and get on with things.

Thanks for being my blog.

Ris

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